i'm a little behind on the times, but i thought i'd share this story just because it's hilarious and terrifying at the same exact time:
- the place is so damn huge you have to take a train from one gate to another. this is dumb. what's even dumber is that i know that i have a layover in dallas, yet i do that "stupid diana" thing i always do where i try to book my connecting flights as close together as possible. since we're already in numbered-list form, i'm going to create a bulleted sub-list to spell out exactly why this is so stupid.
- the "duh" reason: when you've got 20 minutes between flights and it takes 40 minutes to get off the first damn plane because everyone is taking their carry-on rights to an extreme in order to avoid the additional $20 checked-bag fee, you've already missed your flight.
- who pees on a plane? really, i mean, do you want EVERYONE on the plane to know you're peeing? no. there's no other reason to be strolling down the isle. so after you've downed your third dr. pepper out of boredom, you start pinching your legs together and counting down the minutes until you're on the ground and able to pee somewhat covertly. but wait... you can't pee and make you're connecting flight now can you, diana? why? because you booked the damn thing so they started boarding Plane Number Two before Plane Number One had even landed.
- you want snacks? you're not getting them on the plane. you want a soy chai latte? you're not getting that either. to bad you didn't book a longer layover. you could have had both. and peed.
- (we're back to "reasons dallas suck" now.) this is the main reason - the damn toilets. so say you do have enough time to pee. is it really worth it? i'm voting for "no," because the motion sensors on the back of the fancy toilets they've provided get WAY too worked up when you step into your stall. i'm not kidding when i say i was flushed on five times. and i'm a World Renowned Fast Pee-er. seriously, dallas airport toilets, visiting you is like voluntarily placing your luggage under a mister system that runs off a direct line to the urine factory.