hi brian!

hey guys! here's my friend brian's first post from nebraska! woo hoo!
-xo

I still can't correctly tell you why I moved to Nebraska. It's something unlike anything I've really experienced, which was perhaps the allure. I've always been perplexed with the idea that people actually live in places where it gets below zero. WHY?!? It seems ridiculous to put up with snow shoveling, blizzards, and things that freeze. These are strange people, I think. Sure, I know people who live in such a climate, but to really understand it, I had to live it.

I was really taken aback by the social differences, even just between San Diego and Tucson. San Diego was a bit more dog-eat-dog than Tucson, but was a little more exciting. What would Lincoln, Nebraska bring me? These creatures that dwell in snow 3 months out of the year... what are they like? At the same time, Lincoln reminds me a lot of Tucson, relatively liberal and large college town, with a larger city nearby. So it's definitely a vibe I can fit into.

Plus, I like adventures. I'll be living in a basement for free. Nothing can go wrong, right? HA.

It's a 20 hour drive, so timing it just right was imperative. I figure if I get there in the evening, it would be perfect... which means leaving at like 9pm... and getting there at 7pm the next day. Now, the normal person would be like, "Why don't you stay somewhere overnight?" But thats what suckers do. Hotel rooms? How about the "drive" to get to your destination! I leave at 9pm after a quick nap, which makes driving at night not that bad. Cause see, down the stretch (the brutal Denver to Lincoln drive through nothing) will be daytime and with the end nearing, falling asleep is nearly impossible. Plus, I am one hell of a transport trooper.

But let me talk about New Mexico...

-I lost my gas cap in Albuquerque. It sounds like a song title, a book, or even a really bad sitcom on UPN, but it happened.
-The houses look like they haven't gotten renovated since the Homestead Act. I thought this was NEW Mexico.
-I'm rather glad I didn't speak to anyone there. I got bad jujus from those cities. And I like cities!
-I saw about a million rabbits on the side of the road. Not dead, just chilling there phat-style.
-Who names a town "Truth or Consequences"? I mean, I've known about this for a while, but I'm just bringing it up again. Speaking of bringing things up, do I really need to bring up the ridiculousness of Roswell?
-There was a road sign that said, "strong winds may exist". I hope all you english literalists out there did a double take like I did. I know they exist. May they OCCUR? At the time, no. But was this place just Mexico, then when it became New Mexico, they just badly translated all the signs? Or are they just stupid?
-Given all that, why is Bill Richardson looked on positively, especially after they get 2.1 dollars for every dollar they put into the federal government. I'm just saying.

Colorado was beautiful as always. Denver was way bigger than I thought it would be. And that toll road mapquest told me to take? The first toll was $1.75... not so bad. Well, not when there are 3 more clocking in at $2.00. I have to say, I made good use of my change. After Denver was not beautiful. This is what it was 100 miles out of Denver:

This is what it looked like 5 miles later:

And well... pretty much repeat about 100 times and there you have it. This is what it was the rest of the way. Going into Nebraska, there was a sign that said, "The Good Life..." fully furnished with 3 dormant trees behind it. Yeah yeah, I'm sure it looks pretty in the summer, but still. And even though New Mexico is known for wasting away tax dollars, the biggest waste of tax dollars award goes to Kearney, Nebraska for creating this monstrosity:

I drove under that. And apparently, you can pay $5 to walk over the bridge, look at pictures and cars, read things about Nebraska. WOW!! THAT'S PRACTICALLY A STEAL!!! Of your soul, that is.

After getting momentarily lost because of bum mapquest directions, I arrived in Lincoln. I felt like I was in a time machine. All the houses are about 70 years older, and the weather was about 70 years old too... you know, before global warming. Okay, I kid. I mean about 3 months old when Tucson felt as cold. Either way, a complete blast from the past. Did you know people still use bricks for houses?And radiators aren't just things in Bugs Bunny cartoons, and there are they have these things called "basements" here.

I arrive at the house and open my door. Right then a car comes flying by, inches away from taking my door off. He honked his horn in what I thought was an obscenely late way to warn me. But he stopped, and actually got out of his car.
"What are you doin', man?!" he said.
"Sorry, I didn't see you, it was an accident"
"Oh, okay. Watch it!"
Did that guy seriously find it necessary to stop get out of his car to yell at me? Did he really need me to tell him it was an accident? Did he think I did that on purpose? Is there a rash of people in Lincoln who open their car doors in front of people to collect insurance money? Yes, it is to my benefit to destroy my driver's side door. Maybe I should have just told him this to see his reaction. "Sorry, I was trying to get you to snap my door off so I can get your insurance company to give me money. Oh yeah, and also to inconvenience the fuck out of you."

So at this point, this is my generalized assumption of the people of Lincoln, Nebraska. Of course that is nowhere near the norm. As a matter of fact, it's quite the opposite. But I think that shows of the sign of things to come. Later on, I looked at a map to see all the way I travelled in 20 hours. It amazes me that it's possible. "I'm in fucking Nebraska. Wow." I told myself. Hell, I keep telling myself that. A whole new climate, a whole new social network, and a whole new adventure.

Oh my... It's snowing.

Comments

[sally jane]

Ha! On a drive from LA to PA, I laughed at those "strong winds may exist" signs all the way across New Mexico. How very existential of them!